From “A Cyclist’s Modern Liturgy”

 A reading from the Book of Merckx (53:11):

 “Whenever two or more Cyclists are gathered to Ride Together in My name, they shall argue; for, verily, just as Night follows Day, and One Beer follows Another, there shall be no Agreement among the Two Wheeled Faithful as to the route or the pace of any Group Ride.

Bickering and strife shall be thy lot, brother will smite brother, sister shall smite sister, and there shall be no peace.

For it is written that some shall desire to go short, fearful that they hath not the swiftness nor the strength to persevere, while others will desire to go long, thirsting for the Understanding that comes with Righteous Miles and Holy Velocity.

And they shall not agree, and the they shall remaineth forever in the Parking Lot of Despair, quarreling until the end of their days. 

But I sayeth unto you: Fear not.

For a strong wind shall rise from the East, and on that wind shall come a Savior, A Good Shepherd who shall gather unto Himself the fractious and disturbing ones.

And they shall fall silent, the Fast and the Slow, and be sore afraid.

For His legs are like Mighty Oaks, His Speed passeth all Understanding, His miles are as uncounted as the grains of sand in the desert.

They shall name Him “Pain Giver” or “The Really Fast Guy,” and all shall doff their helmets at the mention of His name.

For none shall be worthy to clean the greasy motes from His chain.

He shall rise up to guide his Flock because He Knoweth The Route.

The Faithful shall trust in His wisdom to deliver them from the Desert of their Indecision, And He shall lead them into an abundant land flowing with pastries and espresso.

For it is written in the Holy Cue Sheets:

There shall be peace in that abundant valley, and their Disagreement shall be no more.

The Fast and the Slow shall ride together in harmony all of their remaining days, and it shall come to pass that the Two Wheeled Faithful shall honor His Commandment:

 Just Shut Up and Ride.”



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